For anyone who has read one of my blog posts, looked at my Facebook or spent even a few moments with me it becomes pretty clear that my boys are my world. Chris and Z are my two most favorite people and I sincerely cherish the time that we have together. Chris just turned 26, Z will be 22 in just a few months and yes, I still get my time with my guys. I can honestly say we are incredibly strong as a family unit and we really are very close.
As the boys get older I am often told how fortunate I am that they still want to hang out with me or spend time as a family. I am thankful every day for the gift of my boys and I know that the relationship we have did not just “happen”. As a family we have had to experience some tough times (perhaps those will be a later blog post) but it was those tough times that taught us to lean on each other, we have experienced great loss of important people but it was the loss that has taught us to value the time we have, we grew as a family in our faith and it is through that faith that we learned we can lean on God and lastly we have grown in our respect for each other which has allowed our relationship to deepen and strengthen.
As a mom I of course had assumed that I sort of knew what I was doing
when it came to parenting my children but as usual I was totally wrong. As they grew up I found that I had to continually tweak my parenting style and as much as my kids were growing I had to grow with them. Sending a 5 year old to bed early because their behavior shows they are obviously tired works really well, trying to send a 17, 18, 20 something year old to bed would either result in an argument or a serious eye roll. So the older my kids have gotten my responses, requests, demands and expectations have also had to change.
The one thing though that has remained the same in my parenting style has been my ongoing attempt to always work on meeting my kids where they are. When they were little I spent time watching Barney, hanging out at the park and figuring out how to throw a pog. Why? Simply because that is what the boys were into and for our relationships to continue to
grow we needed to be able to share common interest. When Chris wanted to play soccer his team needed a coach- yep, I became a soccer coach though I had never before touched a soccer ball. (On a side note we had a winning season!) When Z became engrossed in the Alex Rider books he asked me to read them too so we could discuss them after- yep, I have read them all.
Over the past 10 years I have helped Chris work on easily a dozen cars and lately we are taking apart a truck. I am having fun using his drill, pulling off random car parts and even sorting out the tools but most of all I am LOVING the time we are having to just be together and talk.
I am also becoming quite the expert Pokemon catcher and just today hit level 19. I did not start the game because of some love for the characters, though Pikachu is pretty cute, but it was because currently Z is into the game and he suggested we play it together. Suddenly I am having so much fun wandering around the city with him playing the game and talking about so many things including friends, goals, politics, religion and so much more.
By meeting my kids where they are they have learned over the years that I value what they think, they are worth my time and energy and that what is important to them is important to me. Of course this has gone both directions and though I can’t get them to knit, they have tried many “mom” things for me. My hope is that they have learned that words are easy but it is through our actions that people see our hearts and what we value.
My boys and I are very close, I am incredibly thankful for the relationship we have, for the blessings that are my boys and I do cherish every moment. But I know what we have did not just magically appear, it was a concentrated effort by all of us that took hard work, time, dedication and the ability to laugh.